Finding Pleasure in a World of Validation

Sometimes in life, you want to find a way to find pleasure without the need to feel validated for what you are doing.  This has been especially true for me lately, as it seems that most things in life tend to come with a need to be recognized or congratulated in some way or another.  Over the last couple of weeks, I have made strides in this department by quietly making positive changes in my life, but these have not come without a few setbacks.  I think the best change that I have made has been adding my morning walks into my routine, although I will also say that posting, writing, and talking about these walks on social media means that I sought to receive some sort of validation for doing them.

Is it even possible to not want some sort of validation for the things that we do in our lives?  Even if it is not external validation, our inner self wants to give us validation for doing things that are in our best interest.  In a way, when you lose weight after working out and exercising for weeks, months, and years, that is our body and mind giving us some form of validation that our hard work has paid off.  Perhaps it is literally impossible to live life without validation, because I guess that would mean you would live a life where you really don't care one way or another about anything that you do.  Because of this, I think we should focus our discussion on external validation, because internal validation is what drives us forward to do the things that we truly want in our lives.

The hunt for external validation in our society is extreme.  From reactions on social media posts, to award shows, to promotions at work, to bonuses given for a job well done, pretty much at every turn there is some form of external validation that we as humans seek.  It could be as simple as a loved one telling you they love you and appreciate the things you do for your family that can be a huge validating factor.  Which brings me to the thought that validation in itself is not bad, unless it is the cause for your whole mood and existence to become unhealthy as a result.  Some people seek validation so much that they end up getting sad and depressed when they don't get it.  They crave for it so much that they begin to feel bad about themselves, wondering why no one is recognizing them for their perceived worthy actions.

I know in my life, I use to chase validation heavily.  I still do today in my small way, but I have come to learn that as you get older, people begin to care less and less about validating you and more and more about getting their own validation and satisfaction.  Validation is reserved for the young, to inspire them, to essentially cause them to join the social treadmill and seek validation as well.  It is a way to essentially control people so that you can get them to do more of the things you want them to do.  This form of control is actually quite sinister, because if you know how to give the right amount of validation for the actions you seek to illicit out of someone, you can become a master manipulator of that person to your own ends.

I think the answer to finding pleasure in a world filled with validation manipulation is to first become aware of the tactic that people employ and realize, that whether you believe you did a good job or not on whatever action is being validated, think about how you feel first and realize if the validation is genuine or is trying to get something out of you.  If it is trying to get something out of you, but that something is what you genuinely enjoy, then that manipulation is serving the both of you.  However, if you feel bad about the validation and are simply doing the action to please someone else but getting nothing out of it yourself, then you have to really sit down and assess if it is worth doing at all.  Yes, people compromise and yes there are people who do things for others selflessly, but you must determine the cost of this because ultimately, it is your inner being telling you that something is wrong when you do not feel good about whatever you are doing.

Secondly, it is best to find a way to get your validation internally, from feeling good on your own merits, not because someone else has given you that validation.  The awareness of how you feel at any given time is what will be your guiding light in this regard.  Are you feeling great because you just walked and exercised?  Is your body telling you thank you?  Do you look better and hence, feel better in confidence?  If so, you are doing things right and you do not need anyone else to tell you so.  You know it inherently because of the personal results you are seeing.  This is your chance to reclaim your own self-esteem and realize that while validation is nice when it is mutually good feeling, the best form of validation is one where you yourself know you did a great job or your worth praise, regardless of if it comes or not.  This inner peace will yield amazing results for your life, and it is intended to do so in order for you to live a life of joy.

I wanted to write this post for myself mainly, but I hope it helps others realize that validation can be a tool that manipulates people and to be aware that you can feel validated on your own without someone else telling you so.  I hope everyone has a great day.

Until next time,

Blackboa