Feeling Lethargic Towards Streaming and Gaming

Yesterday I took a day off of streaming after not doing so for quite some time.  I needed to because I was feeling tired and burned out and wanted to play some games other than Albion Online.  I feel as though I am becoming trapped by that game again because of the immediate uptick in viewership, and I really don't have the stamina to stream that game as my only game on stream.  More than that though, I just feel tired sometimes by the online interactions I have to have when I game and I miss just silently enjoying something all to myself.  This unfortunately does not pay the bills however, so I have to constantly push myself to be online and high energy even when I really just want to relax.

This lethargic feeling is starting to spill over into my other routines, and this is where I need it to stop.  I have been so good at the health and fitness side of the equation, and I refuse to sacrifice my physical and mental health for anything.  I think what I am feeling is disappointment in myself for breaking the streak I was having with streaming and just feeling overall disappointed for not doing what I need to do to achieve the results I want.  Perhaps I am being too tough on myself, but when I spread myself too thin, I tend to find excuses on why I should not engage in something or to not do something altogether.  I write this now not to solidify this negative way of thinking, but to become aware of it and choose a different path so that the spiral does not continue downward.

My morning routines have consisted of walking the park multiple times a day, going to the gym, writing spiritual positive messages to myself, reading spiritual books, eating healthy, and then showering and starting my streams.  This is the routine I have done now for over 2 weeks, and it has seen some very good results.  It has kept me positive and happy with myself for the accomplishments I have made and have been making.  When I focus on the good I have been doing, I feel better about myself, and I show myself that I am not lethargic.  It takes dedication and energy to do the things I have done over the last two weeks, and I feel the positive changes taking hold in my body with how much easier I move around and even notice that I may have dropped a couple of pounds from my recent peak of 350.

So, if my problem is not lethargy, perhaps it is a collision of priorities that is making me feel a certain way.  It could also be anxiety about hearing back from a part time job that I will be getting soon at a gas station.  That is probably giving me the most anxiety as I fear I would not be able to keep up my end of the bargain on my health and fitness goals.  I believe I still should be able to do my daily ritual even in a reduced capacity once the work starts (assuming my drug test clears), but it definitely will require another adjustment, both physically and mentally, to ensure I do what needs to be done.

If gaming is something that I do not enjoy streaming as much, especially when the stream doesn't do well with games other than Albion Online, then perhaps I can start putting my time and attention towards streaming more blog posts or even starting to write a book that I have been wanting to write.  The book would document my knowledge about the universal laws of attraction, the laws of deliberate creation, and the law of allowing.  Essentially, I would repurpose the books I have been reading lately and put them into layman's terms.  I think this would make for a somewhat more productive streaming session than I have been going through, and I would be able to read back the book to my community who could possibly be interested in hearing the truths that I am living now.

If I do end up going the route of writing a book, or doing more professional tasks instead of gaming, I would likely have to be in the coworking category on twitch, and perhaps I could network with more individuals who are more interested in improving their lives while streaming rather than gaming and ultimately wasting a lot of time that they could be doing other things.  The thing is, I still love gaming as a rest and relaxation activity when I am not streaming.  I think I just view it as more of a waste when I stream and the chat is dead or there is not enough going on to make me think it is something that people care about and want to see.  

In any event, I will figure out the best way to mix my desire to be productive with my streaming and gaming endeavors.  Maybe that one game to rule them all with come out sooner than we think, and that could spark an interest in me for a while instead of having to play games that I have put thousands of hours in.  I want to thank my readers for allowing me to vent.  Rest assured, there is no giving up in Blackboa.  I will find the solution to this and anything that comes my way, as I am choosing to focus on what I want and using that focus to create the life I desire.

Until next time,

Blackboa